“I don’t ever want to be susceptible to anyone else’s version of my history.” - Nan Goldin
When I was in high school, I found myself isolated and depressed. Days became indistinguishable, and I felt as if I couldn’t trust my own memory, and that terrified me. I became borderline obsessive with documenting my life through writings and photographs. My goal wasn’t to capture these moments artistically, but rather to stop myself from losing them. I developed archive fever, the“impulse to archive… to seek some kind of immovable historical foundation.”
But it is impossible for an archive to be completely objective. Depending on what is put in and kept out, archives create an alternate version of history. Thus, Don’t Let Me Lose Themdocuments both the subjective and objective sides of a personal archive. Utilizing photographs and objects that I have captured and collected myself, as well as those from my parents and my grandfather, I investigate how history, loss, and memories come together and influence my current experiences and identity.
Navigating this website is intentionally unceremonious. The viewer confronts a simulated table, messily covered in photos and objects. There is no single linear story to be found in the collection of materials. The viewer is given agency over what they want to experience; what parts of history they decide to uncover, and they are welcomed to create their own connection between these fragments of history.